The Question of Epiphany
Today is Epiphany, the commemoration of the three kings coming to worship the Christ child. As I reread the story in Matthew 2, I noticed something I’d not seen before. The wise men asked a question: Where is he?
Being stargazers, they had spotted a star in the east, and they set out on a journey following that light. I assumed they knew exactly where they were going and would know when they got there, but apparently, that was not so. The star led them initially to Jerusalem, where they stopped and asked, “Where is he?” I wonder if they were frustrated. I picture them muttering, “We’ve come all this way and it appears the star is overhead, but he’s nowhere to be found! Did we get it wrong? Miss a turn? Wrong star? What happened?”
It was Herod’s men who answered the question. The chief priest and legal experts were the scripture scholars and they knew the prophecy of 1 Samuel 16:4. King Herod, for sinister reasons of his own, sends the wise men on to Bethlehem.
As I read the story, I couldn’t help but notice that I ask that same question often.
“Where is He?”
Where was God in 2020? In the chaos and confusion of Covid-19, the loss of lives, jobs, incomes, the loss of civility during the campaign and election, I couldn’t have been the only one asking, “Where is he?” Sometimes in the confusion of just an ordinary day, when things aren’t working as I want them to, I find myself asking, “Where is he?”
January 6th in not only Epiphany, but it is also an anniversary date in my life of a hard experience. Though every year since 2018 has brought growth and healing, it is still a difficult day on the calendar. After my assault, I began a healing journey that has taken me through facing fears, dying to a false self, learning to live into new narratives, and letting my life change. Some of those changes have been subtle, known only to me and those closest to me. Others have been messy - like having an enormous shedding dog come into my home and my life. And some of the changes have been drastic - starting with becoming a seminary student thirty-three years after I graduated college.
The star I followed was an invitation to let my life change, but it hasn’t always been an easy journey. Sometimes I’ve sounded like a whiny child in the backseat asking God, “Are we there yet?” Other times, I forget God is leading me by the light of his spirit and I ask, “Where is he?’ Underneath that question is an assumption that He is not present to me. At those time, I realize I’ve made yet another transactional deal with a vending machine god. I’m doing my part (or so I think), following the star, so to speak; and then I get “there” and He doesn’t seem to be there (or maybe I didn’t get the outcome or experience I expected and that was really the god I was looking for). I then have to stop, back up one step and ask a different question: Who is he? The wise men were looking for a king. When they found him, they fell to their knees.
I have had many doubtful days in my life, some even skeptical, but I can’t stop believing Jesus’ own words in Matthew 7:7, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Traveling through life asking Who is He and Where is He are perhaps the point of the journey.
As I ponder the wise men’s journey and the change in their trajectory after the met the Christ Child, I can’t help but think of an earlier question. This time God is doing the talking and humans seem to be the elusive ones. In the garden of Eden, after the man and woman have sinned, God comes looking for them.
Where are you?
God himself taught us that question. It is the first question He asked of mankind. It’s a question of longing, of desire, of presence. It invites communion. It is an invitation. He wants to be with his people.
Unlike Adam and Eve, who were hiding from God in the garden, Jesus was not hiding from the wise men and he is not hiding from us. He was right where the prophet said He would be. The wise men found him and we will too. When I find myself asking Where is He, it’s time to halt the camel, stop for a drink of water, and remember who first asked that question that is echoing inside of me.
Thank you to all who asked about Grizzly this past month. No cancer! He got a good report from the vet, has his stitches out, and his hair is slowly beginning to grow back in on his neck. We are back walking the neighborhood again!
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